dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
