I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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