carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
