Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
