lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
