ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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