I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
