My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
