I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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