Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
