I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
