I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
