We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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