fuck your aforementioned shoe
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
