Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
