she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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