hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
