She's JV to your varsity
Someone shit on the floor
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
