kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
