You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
