i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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