He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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