Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
