hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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