You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
