u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize