But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I will die if light touches me.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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