we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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