who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
