I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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