i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
