Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
