Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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