Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
