i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
