If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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