I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
