So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
