Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
