im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He had one of those small greek statue penises
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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