So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
