i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
