Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
