I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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