Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
