i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
