i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
