I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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