You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize