It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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