i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
