Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
