I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
