my soul wont recognize me after tonight
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
