I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
