Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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