This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
