Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
