the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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