You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
