When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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