the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
