well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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