Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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