Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
even my farts smell like vagina
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
