My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
