the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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