the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cockslap morals
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
