bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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