walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
