you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
