I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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