He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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