Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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