Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
