she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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