i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
