Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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