i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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