what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
