there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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